Troubled Words From An Imperfect Friend

People who do not know me well often have this impression of me as being quite, reserved, and "kind of serious" but to my close friends, they know that I am the opposite. They always describe me as childlike, candid, and playful which basing on my own "biased" observation is true. I love to be like a child always --- carefree, curious, bold, and adventurous. I think this is why they love me. They often have a fit of laughter every time I do my funny acts and have their eyes grow wide when I confess things I do that they find odd.

But my childlike nature has always been the cause of why sometimes I unintentionally hurt my friends' feelings. It really makes me sad to think that I didn't mean to cause any harm but the damage has already been done. And the worst is that they could not comprehend why I have done such thing to them when it is very clear that a child does commit stupid mistakes too. I AM JUST HUMAN --- very prone to flaw. They couldn't understand that I cannot please them always, that my limitations sometimes (or often) lead me to failures. I'm afraid that I have created a persona out of me that to them is always pleasing, always adoring, always loving, like a child that is. A friend that is almost perfect, which, I could never be and neither there is such a thing! I just hope that this is not what they expect from me 'cause I'm starting to get afraid. Afraid that I may lose the bond of friendship we carefully nurtured and protected together due to unfulfilled expectations. Friendship is what makes my life beautiful, one of the precious things that gives meaning to my existence and to lose it is like dying slowly. It's like a child losing his grip to the string of his favorite kite and let the thing soar to the endless sky until he loses sight of it forever...

Black Valentine With Me, Myself and I

February 14 is Valentine's Day but my close pals would rather call last Thursday as Maundy Thursday rather than Hearts' Day. Ha ha ha! Well I could relate to that 'cause I was also celebrating it minus a special someone. "Poor us, bingkongs!" a dear friend of mine exclaimed that day with a deep sigh. "Bingkong" by the way is a slang word in our local dialect which means "loveless". But despite of the fact that I am indeed loveless during that special day and until now, I never feel lonely at all. Maybe because I am contented with my life. I have a lot of wonderful people who loves me for what and who I am. My mother, my brothers, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my close friends, all these people give me the bliss and security of being loved. I could not ask for more!

My friends asked me lately why am I not into a relationship as of the moment? My replied was it's either I am evading Cupid's arrow or Cupid has forgotten to shoot me at all! Ha ha ha..... But seriously, my reason for not committing into a relationship lately because I found out that there is bliss in being single. You have all the time and freedom to do the things that you wanted to do without hesitation. Now, I am not afraid of responsibilities in a relationship because everything we do entails responsibilities anyway. It's just that if ever I'll plunge into a relationship, I want to make sure that it's for real this time and not just some sugar coated kind of infatuation that after the sweetness has gone, boredom and blandness follows. Maturity makes you want to scrutinize things indeed! He he he...

Black Valentine --- the Valentine's Day for the loveless. Well, I didn't mind at all if I had a Black Valentine's Day. I was celebrating it anyway with my three faithful companions: ME, MYSELF and I. We love each other like nobody has ever loved before and hey, we really enjoyed our dinner date together that day! Ha ha ha.....

Until next post. Belated Happy Hearts' Day guys!

Of "Lottophobia", Pinworms, Mumps, and Embalmers

Last last Saturday (that was February 09), I had the most mentally draining activity to date ---- I took my Assessment for Nursing Potential Examination. This exam is given to incoming third year students in our school (University of Iloilo) to test if we are qualified, have accumulated enough knowledge essential to the nursing profession, and if we really have the inclination for the said profession. The exam is composed of three parts: the achievement test, the aptitude test, and the assessment test.

The first part of the examination, the achievement test, is designed to measure the knowledge which is of great importance to nursing the student has acquired in his two years of learning. The content of the test includes subjects like Psychology, Math, Chemistry, Physics, General Biology, Anatomy and Physiology, Microbiology, and English. The second part, the aptitude test, is an IQ checker. It is composed of abstract reasoning, numerical reasoning, and verbal reasoning and comprehension sub-tests. The last part, the assessment test, is a personality test that will help the Nursing Department of our school evaluate our inclination towards the nursing career if our attitude is really for the said profession. All these when summed together, made up a 350 items exam! And all these , you have to answer in a matter of 3 hours and 20 minutes! Whew!

I am no Einstein so my brain during that time was really squeezed and extracted to pulp! I almost had an epistaxis (nosebleed that is) especially when I reached the Math part which is mostly composed of College Algebra questions. I have a fear of numbers, I call it "lottophobia". Why the name? Well, simply because I always dread what numbers might come out every night during the lotto draw. I might not win. And up to now, I still don't.

Back on the topic, I am lucky I listened well to my teachers in Anatomy, Physiology, Microbilogy and Parasitology subjects. At least some information spilled out from their mouth came out in the test. Like, pinworms make us wiggle even if we have just one breakdancing in our perennial or anal area, and that severe mumps can lead to male sterility (which made me worry by the way 'cause I got two big humps on each side of my jaw when I was still in grade 3). There were some questions like, What disease is caused by a protozoa called Trypanosoma?, which I had doubt with my answers. Maybe these are the info my teachers spilled out during lectures when I was in my chair sleeping and drooling.

I have anxiety about the upcoming result of my ANP Exam. Will I pass or not? This is the daily thought inside my head that has now become a mantra....... and a torture. If I'll pass, a big THANK YOU to the BIG BOSS above! If not, tragedy! My dream of serving humanity (cheesy! cheesy!), and going to Europe will all crumble to dust. Well, come what may. Life is a gamble anyway. I'll just cross my fingers and hope for the better.......... and of course, prepare for the worst! An embalmer/funeral director would be a next good option ( I heard these people, the embalmers and funeral directors I mean, are having a good business lately since a lot of Filipinos are dying nowadays from crude overpricing, and cardiac arrest due to extreme rage on the hypocrisy of the people involved on the ZTE scandal ). Ha ha ha..... Ciao!