People who do not know me well often have this impression of me as being quite, reserved, and "kind of serious" but to my close friends, they know that I am the opposite. They always describe me as childlike, candid, and playful which basing on my own "biased" observation is true. I love to be like a child always --- carefree, curious, bold, and adventurous. I think this is why they love me. They often have a fit of laughter every time I do my funny acts and have their eyes grow wide when I confess things I do that they find odd.
But my childlike nature has always been the cause of why sometimes I unintentionally hurt my friends' feelings. It really makes me sad to think that I didn't mean to cause any harm but the damage has already been done. And the worst is that they could not comprehend why I have done such thing to them when it is very clear that a child does commit stupid mistakes too. I AM JUST HUMAN --- very prone to flaw. They couldn't understand that I cannot please them always, that my limitations sometimes (or often) lead me to failures. I'm afraid that I have created a persona out of me that to them is always pleasing, always adoring, always loving, like a child that is. A friend that is almost perfect, which, I could never be and neither there is such a thing! I just hope that this is not what they expect from me 'cause I'm starting to get afraid. Afraid that I may lose the bond of friendship we carefully nurtured and protected together due to unfulfilled expectations. Friendship is what makes my life beautiful, one of the precious things that gives meaning to my existence and to lose it is like dying slowly. It's like a child losing his grip to the string of his favorite kite and let the thing soar to the endless sky until he loses sight of it forever...
No comments:
Post a Comment